How to make space for grief and loss
“Since before time, I have been free. Birth and death are only doors through which we pass. Sacred thresholds on our journey.” Thich Nhat Hanh
None of us is immune to grief. It may come in different forms, but loss is an inevitable part of life and grief is our personal experience of that loss.
I first experienced grief in 2008 when my son died before he was born.
Nothing could have prepared me for the journey I began that day. I know now that grief isn’t an event, it’s a journey with no fixed destination.
Like all emotions, grief comes and goes – but it isn’t something you get to the end of.
Loss is part of all our stories and it’s important to make space for it.
Every grief is valid
It’s often said that losing a child is the worst type of loss because it goes against our expectations of the normal order of things.
From people’s reactions at the time my son died (and since) I definitely had the sense that my grief “trumped” many others.
There isn’t a hierarchy for loss though – no framework for what we’re allowed or not allowed to grieve.
I know I wasn’t any less devastated when my second son died, although on the face of it his journey to being born was a lot shorter.
I don’t believe I’ll be any less affected if my parents die, or if my husband dies before me.
Loss is loss – big or small.
Grief isn’t just a reaction to death, it’s a response to any loss and any loss can hurt.
The only way is through
You’ve probably heard of Elizabeth Kübler-Ross’s five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
Unfortunately, grief doesn’t tend to follow an orderly route through each stage. It’s chaotic. It’s unpredictable. It’s relentless. It’s painful.
You might experience different aspects at different times. You might never go through a particular stage or you might revisit a stage.
Some people just feel shocked and numb for ages.
In whatever way grief translates for you, it’s valid – sadness, anger or helplessness - everyone’s experience is unique.
There’s no denying that grief is a heavy load. The only way to lighten the load is to go through it, to really feel the emotions that come with it.
This can be really uncomfortable. I found it hard to admit feeling angry after my son died but it helped me to know this is normal.
If we make space for the emotions that come up – without judgement – they will shift more quickly.
If we avoid our feelings or try to push them away, we can become stuck in our grief.
Over time this can lead to physical symptoms.
Physical symptoms of grief
Grief isn’t just an emotional process - it can affect us physically too. You might experience the following:
Headaches
Muscle aches
Changes in your period
Chest pain
Fatigue
Stomach pain
Breathlessness
Insomnia
Feeling confused or forgetful
You might not realise grief is at the root of your symptoms.
If you’ve been recently bereaved you might make the link, but other types of loss - such as the loss of a valued friendship, loss of status at work, financial loss - can all trigger the same symptoms of grief.
The loss may be recent or a long time ago, but if we haven’t allowed ourselves to acknowledge it, then physical symptoms may not shift.
When my son died my periods disappeared. I had a lot of treatment, but drugs didn’t bring them back.
I’m so grateful to my counsellor for suggesting I try homeopathy. Within a few months my periods returned and I was able to conceive again.
Grief has no timeline
We can’t control how long or how often grief will affect us when we experience loss.
We can be reconnected to grief when we’re least expecting it: a smell, a song, a photo, a word can trigger the memory of what happened.
Grief is a rollercoaster - you can feel like you’ve been run over by a truck all over again, even years later. The disbelief and shock can be just as real.
I’ve realised over time that I can sometimes see grief in my face before I feel the emotion of it.
I’m grateful for that glimpse in the mirror as it reminds me to make space, to allow time and energy for the emotions I know will follow.
Remembering is painful. Crying is exhausting.
But expressing emotions when you feel them will stop you getting stuck.
Ways to support yourself in grief
Acknowledge what you have lost – whether you think it’s big or small
Rest – no demands or expectations of yourself
Remember to eat
Try to stay present – journalling can help
Practise regular deep breathing
Connect with your body – through walking, yoga, massage
Cry when you feel it – without analysing
Reach out to others for support
Get to know your grief triggers – anniversaries, birthdays – and what you need to do for you when you feel grief
Accept those times when there doesn’t seem to be a trigger – make space for your emotions and try not to fix them
Grief isn’t about letting go, getting over something or finding closure.
It’s a journey and the pathway through grief is different for everyone. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve.
Allowing space for what we truly feel can make the journey less burdensome and open up possibilities for deeper understanding and growth.
Homeopathic remedies work gently and deeply and can support you in the process of grieving.
If you feel affected by grief or loss and want to explore homeopathy, do get in touch. You can book a free call with me:
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